Where were you at in your music career when you had your first child? Was there much discussion about how that life choice would affect your career within the music/entertainment industry?

I was in my 6th year of music, rising with my band project Beau Nectar. We were facing 2 cross Canada tours and just about to release our first LP; I felt completely overwhelmed. Luckily, I was able to tour with her quite often because she was under 2 without adding significant expenses. This was also possible due to the love & support of my family.

In one way, these memories are extremely joyous for me because I got to see my little potato baby bobbing in the crowd in her dad’s arms (or my mom’s) with her big old ear protecting headphones, beaming with a smile. I got to hold her, sing with her, speak to her from the stage, and show her every glimpse into my world, from the sky to the sea, without leaving a piece of my heart behind.

Yet in another way, I felt stretched so thin, because my responsibilities as a band member/worker did not change, but my responsibilities as a new mother were equivalent to 5 new jobs. There was no support for me as a self employed artist, no guide book, no mentor; I felt extremely full and extremely lost. I still experience grief about those early days because you want to be a regulated happy parent with your littles, not in survival mode.

At once it was a beautiful privilege to keep my daughter with me at work when possible and be so incredibly present, and yet I was constantly reminded that the infrastructure of society is not for mothers.

As a working parent in the music industry, what are some of the biggest challenges you face or have faced?

At this point, because it is very fresh, I can confidently say I lose gigs (very good gigs) once I mention that my daughter might be tagging along. At no higher fee for them, they still lose interest because it adds a *tiny* bit of logistics. (For example, “may we rent a car instead of taking trains because then I can bring my car seat & child and not have to pay for her train ticket myself”: this will be enough to lose out on a gig).

Another big challenge depending on the venue is that spaces are just not designed for mothers (no proper rooms for taking care of a child, very little accommodations for parents, etc.). Even your own team can have a significant amount of trouble understanding the layers of stress and extra work that comes with parenting, making things like long tours very difficult; especially if one cant bring their child along.

This is particularly true for women, damned if we do damned if we dont. You feel like a bad mother if you leave without your child, but if you take them everywhere you dont get enough work. I also notice that because the industry is also under capitalism/colonialism, it is expected that children should behave like monks. They’re not allowed in many spaces, and if they are, they are often met with judgments.

What is one change (big or small) within the industry that could make a positive impact for working parents?

It would really change a lot if the industry had accommodations for parents. For example, if a festival booking a parent simply asked: “are there any accommodations that could help you? We may not be able to honour everything, but we’d like to try.” Just even this level of curiosity and compassion would help.

For example, in the early stages of motherhood, I would have loved to not have had to travel with the stroller + the car seat. I remember a festival had shuttles with baby car seats in the vehicles. A small detail like that simplifies our lives like you wouldn't believe. Im one person managing a child, a stroller, my instruments, our passports and our luggage; not having to bring a car seat can be significant.

How do you find support and community with other working parents in or out of the music industry?

I have not had community support yet in my industry, or known how to receive support. It has felt profoundly isolating and stressful. I have had financial support however, and of course the patience of the people who work around me.

What’s one specific example of an organization/venue/company doing something great to help support working parents?

I received a grant that helped pay for my daughter & a caregiver to tour with me. This was life changing.

What could a music event (festival, conference, etc.), do or provide to make it easier for you to participate?

They could hold a ton more workshops where they talk about the realities of motherhood/parenthood and have actionable ways to integrate us, weave us into the industry. Not just the beautiful moments, let’s talk about the difficulties and enact change. I feel that mothers are on the outside of the industry.

It wont serve us to just stay in an echo chamber of parents, sharing the secrets and the difficulties of this life changing role + the industry in which we are expected to thrive. The industry needs to raise awareness and make a plan. It also affects women disproportionately, as we are (not always) often, the primary caregiver. I had always thought sexism in the industry had significantly improved, until I became a mother.

Another thing that could be helpful is a little space where the mother can feed her child, or get a bit of supervision help during a soundcheck, etc. Motherhood and music are my two favourite adventures; I would really love if the two could co-exist better together, but for that we need a community.

Can you shout out another music mama doing great things?

Kaitlin Milroy of the duo Moonfruits, is just an incredible person. A wonderful mother, friend, artist, advocate, she is very special.